Last Monday Night in Bogor

6 days before leaving the country.

And I’m feeling super worried.

It feels like something is not right in my life, regretfully I just realized it by now.

I’m thinking to use the rest of days as good as I can. Meeting the friends, colleagues, relatives. Yet also helping my mom to clean up the house.

This morning, I went to a friend of mine, she is my besties. When I was in Tokyo, I slept at her apartement, and she helped me a lot during my trip in Tokyo.

Recently, she just got proposed by her love of her life, which is also a friend of mine, On the next march, she is going to get married. Soon, she will come back to Japan, starting her master degree, while her husband will start working in Tokyo. As her friend, Nothing’s more than a happiness I can express to her. I learn a lot from her, about life, love, and the way how we have to be a struggle person.

This morning, I accompanied her to meet her weeding dress designer with her mom. Well, this is just not the first time for me. But, since she is going back to Japan tommorow, and I’m going to Germany next Sunday. I only have a change to meet her in a very short time. 

Well, it’s nice to see her wedding preparation. Fitting the dress, matching the color with parent’s dress. It makes me remembered with “27 Dresses” movie (starred Katharine Heigl). I sat there, watching my friend preparing her future. I smiled, and I looked at my self. First question came across to me (maybe to most of the girls also) when everytime you see your friend is getting married : when will it be my turn?

I just skipped the answer, and let the time will answer it. 

It’s not the right time to think of that, when 6 days from now, you’re going to somrwhere far away, alone. I have to focus on what I am doing now.

To be honest, closer to my departure, the more worries I can feel right now. 

According to the travel book I read, that feeling is just a normal thing that may happen to young people who are going to travel somewhere far away. 

At first, we may feel so worried to imagine how I can start my new life in a new place, different culture, far away from family. and after that, your worries will turn into kind of huge happiness, and then turns back low again, on and on. There’s a theory about it.

In the middle of afternoon, I met a senior, When he asked me on how my preparation is going. What I think is worries. I have a over-worries-syndrome. Everytime I think of these. I feel like I’m having a ‘quarter life crisis’.

This crisis defines as the feeling that happens to a person around mid-20s where he/she feels not sure about their life.

And I’m feeling that way.

My senior asked me if I still wanna be a lecture after I graduate from my post-grad study. Strangely, I’m feeling not sure about it. Not sure if the reason came from my own, or it just because the situation that I just knew lately. 

I remembered when I was entering university for the first time. If people asked me, what is your future plan. Optimistically, I answered, ” well, finishing bachelor degree with excellence academic score, taking master degree abroad, working as a lecturer, getting married, and taking PhD”.

I always remembered how easily I said that at that time to everyone.

Back to the present. Well, you know. Sometimes life is not going smoothly to you, I mean for me. I just didn’t know that everything you want has its own price. I tried to pay for that. Even it’s not easy.

Life is not easy to me. I don’t blame God for this. Everytime I got hard time, God let me to think deeply for it. At least, I can have lesson from it, which makes you feel stronger.

I keep asking to my self, what am I going to do in the future? am I doing the right thing for now? is this what I want know?

Again, I’m going to skip that question, let my heart answer it.

As the first child in my family, I think I’m having a transformation, from being a playful and cheerful girl into someone who is getting mature and having mind changing. For the past few months. I got turning point of my life. Where I just realized that what happened in my family right now.

Maybe, this become one of the factor of my worries. I think so. 

I’m worried about my parent’s health, my sister’s academic stuff, etc.

Responsibility is just my keyword for now. Heavy loads is now on your shoulder. 

How come I can be like this, in this 24 years old, I already have heavy loads, (which actually normal, I think).

RIght now, I’m trying to look for another chance to reduce it, and go with happiness.

I’m sure I can do it. 5 days to go, and I have to be self-prepared.

That’s all my story in the last Monday Night. 

I really wish that tommorow, the next day, and the next again, I could have another stoiry, where I can write down in here. 

see you again Monday on the other part of the planet.

 

My sis’ room (with green blanket), August 26th 2013,

Annisa.

 

 

 

  • As the first child in my family, I think I’m having a transformation, from being a playful and cheerful girl into someone who is getting mature and having mind changing. For the past few months. I got turning point of my life.

    Truthfully, I’ve had fair share of life-turning points before. Just like you, I’m the first child in my family, and being a boy means I have to be a man, responsible of my family. And it is okay: we just have to accept it. The ability to accept and bear the burden of responsibility is, in my opinion, what makes someone an adult. Not their age, not their attitude.

    So, good luck with your next adventure!