Life Updates from Me :)


It’s me


Ohisashiburi (Long time no see). 

It’s been a while since I wrote my latest post about my Hajj experience. 

Blogging seems to be more challenging day by day. 

I hope I don’t lose the spark of blogging, because I love blogging so much. 


And, it seems I am currently suffering with my default writing language. 

I don’t wanna sound that I’m showing off, but whenever I start writing in Bahasa Indonesia, my brain always shifts to English. I feel like I lost my capacity to write in my native language, but my English writing skill is not perfect as well. Even though I tried to mix both languages (like I used to do in the past), I can see the struggling there.. Dunno why, am I losing my language skills in both Indonesian and English? What kind of syndrome am I having right now? 


Me, being a native Indonesian doesn’t help me to write in Indonesian, my English is still broken too (as well as my Japanese and German). I am a bit embarrassed to admit this, I don’t belong to any language T_T


Let’s forget about language issues for a while.

I wrote this post just to share my current update about my life. As I intend to use this blog to share my thoughts and my journey as a Student Traveler, let me share what I am currently doing lately. I just migrate my blog into different hosting, so I am not sure whether this migration might impact in losing my past reader or not. I don’t write regularly, so I’m sure this blog might become a ‘spider’s web’ for not having a reader. :p


I am (still) living in Japan right now. Extending my study, now I am in my 4th year. Trying to finish my doctoral study and wishing to see the end of the tunnel from all the hard work I did. Now, I am currently waiting for my supervisor’s feedback on the 2nd draft of my paper. As my scholarship ended last year, I started to make a living through part-time jobs, which I can’t believe that my husband and I can live in Japan by depending on part-time jobs. We’re both doing fine with the jobs, even though it made us tired most of the time. However, this is not our first time (we had it in Germany before). I am now working as a tour guide, the job that pays me pretty well, I honestly love the job even though it makes me exhausted physically and mentally. I am no longer in my 20s so walking around for 5 hours straight is fun but physically tiring. The job gave me additional benefits in improving my English conversation skills (A lot of my guests from US keep asking me if I’ve ever lived in the US before, they keep complimenting my English that sounds like an American – I took it as a compliment 🙂 ) and getting to know about my guests and their backgrounds (I did more a hundred tour, I got lots of interesting stories which inspires me to write a blog about my life as a guide). 


With the better quality of life that I have here, I really enjoy my life in Kyoto. Most of the living I’m having right now is what I’ve been dreaming of. Although sometimes I miss my hometown too as well as my old life, I gain some fundamental things that I didn’t get in the past: proper healthcare services, ability to walk anywhere in convenient ways, better pay for my job, a separation between working time and resting time, solitude time, etc. Great things in life sometimes come from simple things. I sacrificed a lot in my 20s (yet I enjoy it too), now as I grow older, my perspective has changed quite a lot about life. I focus to see myself to the inside, rather than to the outside. 


Of course, my life is not perfect (and, who has a perfect life?). I am still worrying for something that I cannot see and predict right now, I get anxious with abstract things, I sometimes feel insecure with my capacity. In this PhD journey, I learned a lot about myself. I don’t know why but knowing myself better can make me more anxious and unconfident. I was very confident and empowered, but I am losing a bit. (It’s hard to explain, but yeah, that’s what I am feeling). 


My life is much simpler than it used to be. I do one thing at the time. I enjoy small things. I am still trying to believe in myself, whatever things come to me, I wish I could be strong and mature. I am practicing my self-awareness on my anger (still the hardest part). 


I am a 35 yrs old woman who still feels like I’m a kid who wants to do gaming all day, then all of sudden trapped into a woman’s body. I am so confused when I watch Sex and the City series, all characters are around my age (even some of them were younger than me), and their conversation is wild on men, sex, adulting, and so on. I feel like I am too old for this thing (well, I am married, but I rarely talk much about those topics with friends. I am excited to talk about games, kpop, coffee shop, funny cat videos, and lame jokes.


In summary, I’m OK, I am hanging in on what I am doing now, I am still hoping that people I care the most still care about me, I am happy with my married life (we just celebrated our 9 years anniversary!), I am still annoying and loud (as what my close friends think of me), I am gaining things and losing things at the same time. My hope is that I could go back to writing more often on my blog (with whatever language I wanna use). I want to keep my memory alive through my own words. Maybe I can go slowly.. Trusting the time and focus on my true intention. 


I hope every single one of you who read this post is doing okay, even though you’re not okay, I hope you keep hanging in there and believe that you’ll be fine.